Welcome to Me Me Me Plc

9 Dec

A very warm welcome to Me Me Me Plc, where you will have the UNIQUE and ONCE IN A LIFETIME opportunity to own your own little piece of Me Me Me!

I’m selling bits of me (only the good parts, naturally) in a bid to become the first person to float himself on the Stock Exchange – and create the world’s first completely honest public company.  But rather than a company, what I’m going to be floating is me, and the story of me becoming the world’s first truly public person. This means if (and when, I hope), someone buys the movie, book and T-shirt rights, you’ll own a part of that (the Intellectual Property, no less).

I think you could actually make a decent return, if someone like Disney come on board. Although of course there is the chance that no one will buy the rights at all, in which case you’ll have squandered a tenner or so. But I’d still been happy, so it wouldn’t be a complete waste.

There is actually a serious point to all of this. To my mind we live in a Me Me Me world. The cult of the celebrity, the encouragement of self-interest at all costs, a decline in morality. Bankers didn’t invent greed and dishonesty, but public companies, CEOs and financial institutions should be setting an example – not filling their own troughs. So that’s what I hope Me Me Me Plc will do – set an example.

Now of course, I can’t actually ask you to buy a piece of me. To do that I’d have to pass all manner of tricky exams. And only then would I be deemed the kind of person responsible enough to handle other people’s cash, just like all those lovely banking sorts who caused global financial meltdown. So quite clearly I’m not asking you to invest in me. Oh nooooo, what you’re actually buying is a SIGNED PHOTO of ME wearing a T-shirt with the slogan “It’s all about Me Me Me Plc”. And then FREE and ABSOLUTELY GRATIS I’ll be giving you a piece of me. Ten pounds sterling buys you one photo (and FREE and ABSOLUTELY GRATIS one piece of me). Twenty pounds two photos (and two pieces of me). And so on.

Once there’s enough of us, I’m going to start running Me Me Me Plc as an entirely democratic organisation. Voting rights will be one vote per shareholder (not one vote per share). We’ll appoint Directors, and everyone will get to vote on all important decisions, via a Me Me Me Plc social network. We’ll look to incorporate other honest businesses, give loads of dosh to charity, whatever you want, really.

Because Me Me Me Plc is ALL ABOUT YOU! So please GIVE NOW! (the minimum is £10).